in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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