ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm like, not good at living.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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