Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
