Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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