is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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