I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
