She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
