dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
