I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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