I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
