so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
