I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
