I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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