Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
