he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
