i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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