were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
