I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How naked do you want me to be?
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