You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
