Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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