All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
