Your face is a jimmy john
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
nutella sex= disaster
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
