Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
