Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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