Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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