you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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