this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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