Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
