If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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