Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
