would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
