I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
