did you get engaged???
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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