i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
