so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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