I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
