Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
