What a fucking waste of an outfit
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
