I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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