I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
