And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
