Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
