I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
