I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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