I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
