dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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