Betty ford says i'm here all night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
