i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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