I want to have your abortion
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
