Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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