we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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