she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
